Quote of the Week: August 4

Don’t let the fear of failing keep you from taking a risk with your career, or from starting your career. Doubt should never be what stops you.

Are you Settling In Your Career?

Are you settling with your career? You had big plans and thought you would of course be able to achieve anything you put your mind to. Then, you realize it is harder than you thought it would be to find that great career and maintain your personal life as well. With all the moves required by the military, the deployments and other obstacles thrown at you, it takes all your effort just to make sure you are standing straight. Your career soon becomes “good enough” for now and you tell yourself you will fix it in a few years. You settle.

I think this might be one of the things that scares me most about the military lifestyle, because I have seen it happen to so many others. Other stuff, often military related, gets in the way.  It becomes too scary to take a risk with your career.

It can be hard to know when you are settling but it often takes a realization and a wake up call to realize that you are not where you want to be with your professional life. This article from Levo League, “How to Know If You’re Settling” has some advice on what to do when you realize you’re settling:

“[People who settle] don’t really know what they want, and they might try to figure it out “one day;” but for right now they’re too busy’ (with tedious, busy-work kind of stuff) to bother.

They’re certainly not miserable, but they’re also not happy. You get the sense that they’re in the passenger seat of life, being driven from one milestone to another, not really questioning much about the journey (or even what the ultimate destination is).

1. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat, upset the status quo, or dip your toe outside of your comfort zone. Discomfort comes with the territory of change. You can’t avoid it, but you can accept it.

2. Realize that fear and risk might feel big and overwhelming at the time, but they don’t last very long (and there’s a big reward at the other end).

3. Know that the real risk is wasting years of your life settling for “good enough” and realizing at the end that there was no reward waiting for you.”

Quote of the Week: July 28

Success is never easy, whether the military is involved or not. It is easy to sit back and dream up all your career plans; it is another thing to wake up every day and take actionable goals to achieve those plans. Make a list of small things to accomplish every week. It can be as small as setting up a LinkedIn page or buying file folders to organize your next job search. No matter what it is, try to accomplish something every week so you will be making progress one step at a time. Doing something is always better than doing nothing.

Is it Possible to Be a Tough Career Woman and a Supportive Military SO at the Same Time?

Alyssa Mastromonaco, Obama’s former Deputy Chief of Staff, has been making headlines lately for defending her choice to leave the White House to join Marie Clare Magazine. Politico questioned her decision to join a woman’s magazine instead of a more “serious” endeavor. According to Politico: “Women are not allowed to be ugly people because women—and nowhere more than in such women’s magazines that reduce female political leaders to their supposed fashion and lifestyle choices—are not really allowed to be people at all.”

Alyssa Mastromonaco and President Obama

Mastromonaco hit back with an op-ed in The Washington Post that rejected the idea that women’s magazines are not serious work. Further, she argued that women should be able to pursue their interest in fashion and beauty outside of the office without sacrificing their tough professional image. According to Mastromonaco, “Thankfully, a new generation of young, ambitious women refuses to be hampered by the apparent double standard and rejects the idea that their interest in fashion, beauty and fitness somehow connotes anything beyond just that.” After all, men can be CEO’s and still be allowed to watch football.

Why does this matter for women in military relationships? Mastromonaco is bringing to the forefront the difficulty that women have being seen as nurturing and feminine as well as professional and ambitious. In a military world, where we do have to assume more responsibilities at home doing things like cleaning, taking care of the kids and supporting our husbands, it can be hard to be seen as both a “stay at home” type of woman and a career woman.  We are often pigeon holed into one of the other. You are either a “traditional” woman concerned with maintaining your home or you are a woman working outside of the home too much. Pursuing our own professional interests outside of managing our homes and supporting our soldiers is sometimes seen as a betrayal.

How is it possible that you could pursue your professional ambition while also being a good military partner? I don’t know why those are seen as disconnected, but I think it goes back to Mastromonaco’s point.  We have to stop assuming that women can either be part of the feminine paradigm or breaking the mold entirely. Why can’t there be an in between, especially in military relationships? You can support your sailor, do the laundry, read Marie Clare and pursue your career goals. Don’t let anybody try to pigeon hole you into choosing only one

Quote of the Week: July 21

Changing your routine is sometimes the hardest part of bettering yourself. You have all these plans about books you will read, networking events you will attend and programs to apply to. Then, real life steps in and you put all that stuff to the side. It is important to not just think those ambitious thoughts but also to translate them into action. If you don’t do it now, when will you do it?

You’re Not the Only One with Fear and Insecurity About Your Career

Even really successful people have fears about their career. They’re afraid of failing, embarrassing themselves, losing their advantage, etc. How do they deal with all that fear and insecurity? Inc. and The Huffington Post’s article “How Highly Successful People Cope With Fear And Insecurity” hassome good thoughts about how successful people deal with their worries about failing that I think are useful for military spouses struggling with tons of fear and insecurity about their own jobs. Read the whole article HERE or I have picked out the best pieces of advice that apply to military spouses below:

1. Go ahead; take a little time to emotionally process your setbacks. When you’re done, assess what you’ve learned and what you will do differently, and then move on.

2. Even successful people get discouraged. They just don’t wallow in it. Though they may be tempted at times, true achievers have a ferocious drive and hunger for success that does not allow them to give up.

3. Successful people have the discipline to stick to routines that enhance their creativity, lower their stress, and increase their energy.

4. Successful people challenge themselves by trying new things, exposing themselves to different cultures and ideas, and surrounding themselves with people who think differently.

5. Seek advice from someone [you] admire and respect–someone who’s been in their shoes and grown out of them. And you know what? Most of them are able to connect with people they once believed were inaccessible.

6. It’s OK to feel as though you need a break. It’s even OK to feel like giving up. Just don’t dwell in those emotions. When you’re in a negative frame of mind, break out of your routine and do something that makes you feel good.

Quote of the Week: July 1

Sometimes you don’t see examples of many military spouses publicly succeeding in your field so you might think it is just inherently incompatible with a military lifestyle. At first, I was discouraged when I did not see many examples of military spouses succeeding in the fields I wanted to pursue. I started to look at other things I could go into. Then I realized that was crazy. Who said I couldn’t forge my own path? Who said that I couldn’t succeed? Why not me? And why not YOU?

Quote of the Week:June 23

At the start of my military relationship, I wanted to pretend like the “military problem” didn’t exist and I could still plan out everything like normal. However, I realized that ignoring it completely really will just hurt you. While I do not think you should plan your entire career and life around the military, I do think you need to remember to take it into account and embrace it in the best way that you can. Running from the military won’t make it disappear. Learning to accept and work within the confines of the military will lead to more success down the road, even if it is harder to get there at first!

Quote of the Week: June 16

Never forget that you are in control. It may not seem like it at times when a lot of decisions are out of your hands, but you and only you get to decide when to persevere and when to give up. You are in charge of who you want to be, no matter how often it seems like it is the military who controls you. Don’t give up on focusing on yourself.

Quote of the Week: June 2

Just because there aren’t a lot of examples of military spouses pursuing your career choice doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Forge ahead and share your wisdom with others, because I guarantee you are not the only military significant other in that position. We are always stronger when we persevere, stick together and pay it forward.