Focusing Your Networking

I am awful at networking. It is so awkward and uncomfortable to build out networks of people just so they can help you one day. But it is important. Forbes has some good tips on networking, which I have summarized and added my own commentary to below:

1. Start Networking Before You Need It: Don’t just start networking when you need something. Set up informational interviews or ask someone to grab coffee with you even if you wouldn’t need their help for another year. Help them get to know you beyond just someone asking for help.

2. Have a Plan and Figure Out How To “Market” Yourself and Your Story: Don’t just go into networking blind. It is important to know what you want and what you are looking for. At the very least, have a little speech about yourself at the ready so you can let people what you are trying to accomplish.

3. Never Dismiss Anyone as Unimportant: There are some people I wish I had stayed in touch with but at the time, I had no idea what type of career I wanted to pursue. I wish I hadn’t decided I should let them go and not stay in touch because I could really use their advice now but it is too awkward after these years to reach out. Make sure you treat everyone as an equal in your networking.

4. Figure Out How You Can Be Useful To Them: Help others and they just might be more likely to help you.

5. Follow Up and Follow Through: I think this is crucial because what is networking if you only meet someone once and keep their business card? The best kind of network is one where you have a bunch of people you know well and who would know your name if it came up in conversation. Don’t be annoying but also don’t let them forget you.

READER Q&A

QUESTION FROM A MILITARY SPOUSE

I am trying to decide between two career paths. The first is one that I know I enjoy and already have experience in. However, it is not an extremely portable career. The second is a brand new career that I have no experience in, but think I could possibly enjoy. This second option is more portable for a military spouse, but also requires me to attend graduate school.

I find myself trying to decide between having a career I love, but only being able to work when I am stationed in certain areas, or having a career that I am okay with, but always being able to find a job no matter where I go. What do I do?

 ANSWER

This sounds like a question of liking your career versus loving it. Another question to ask is whether you will always regret not picking your first love of a career. Will you resent yourself for not following through with what you knew you wanted? I also wonder if you are selling yourself short. How do you absolutely know you won’t be able to make that career portable? For example, politics is a career that is probably most useful when you live in a capital city and I could see how that would be a hard career to follow if you lived at, say, Camp Lejeune. However, you could set up your own political consulting firm or running a politics blog where you give your opinion on current events (it could help you get noticed and show you can work in politics remotely). Yes it would be tougher and take more work, but it isn’t impossible. And the fact that you are on this site right now tells me you have the ambition and drive to make it happen.

At the same time, there is a lot to be said for not having to stress about finding a job. I think you need to weight job security vs. job satisfaction and decide which matters more to you in your career.

WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK? HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS SITUATION?

Anna Chlumsky is an Ambitious Military Girlfriend Role Model

If you get Glamour magazine, open it immediately. If you don’t, go to CVS and buy a copy. This month’s issue features an article written by actress Anna Chlumsky entitled “The Actress and the Soldier”. It is a must read for any military significant other struggling with the military lifestyle, making a risky career move or connecting with “civilian” friends about your experience. Anna Chlumsky currently stars in the (hilarious) show Veep and also starred in the movie My Girl. In her article, Anna discusses her experiences as a military girlfriend, fiancée and wife. I want to talk about why this is important but first, here is some background on her situation.

Anna Chlumsky’s Glamour magazine article

Anna met her now husband, Shaun So, at the University of Chicago. Shaun enlisted in the Army Reserve after graduating from college. Of his decision to join the military, leaving Anna as a military girlfriend, she writes “scared as I was, our relationship had been built on support for each other. I would never hold him back from anything he wanted to pursue, and I expected he’d do the same for me.” At the same time, Anna decided to re-enter show business after a multiyear break working more “traditional” 9-5 jobs. They both took relationship and career risks at the same time.

Anna writes that visiting Shaun during his training was fun as they mastered long distance and enjoyed exploring where he was stationed. However, she writes, Shaun eventually began to deploy. “If long distance dating is a sport,” she writes, “deployment is the X Games.”

Anna Chlumsky and Shaun So

I find Anna’s reaction to her new military situation to be the most pertinent of all for military significant others who find themselves in an ambitious, privileged, hard-working world. She emailed her friends asking for support. She writes, “Most young people in a city like New York have no idea what to do with an email like that. My friends helped the best way they knew how: supporting my newly reawakened career as an actress and making sure I socialized with plenty of bar nights, coffees and dancing.”

Anna Chlumsky and Julia Louis Dreyfuss in Veep

My favorite excerpt from her article touches further on the divide between civilian and military life: “But the concept of war was so foreign in our cosmopolitan world. Either people didn’t pay attention at all, or they read too much. I’d meet strangers who, upon discovering my boyfriend was in the Army, would look at me like I was living out some eighties romantic comedy, dating a guy from the wrong side of the tracks…There was a wide misconception that joining the military as only an alternative to jail—that anyone who chose to die for his country was strong-armed into it by a tyrannical and manipulative government. I’d explain that no one signs his or her name to something at gunpoint. That the military is a diverse community of individuals from all types of backgrounds. That soldiers have brains.”

Anna Chlumsky promoting Veep

Yes, yes and more yes. Where did this conception of military members and their families having no brains or having no other alternatives come from? My boyfriend in the military was valedictorian of his high school class, top 10% of his college class and an Ivy League graduate school student. I too graduated at the top of my high school class and hold an Ivy League degree.  I applaud Anna Chlumsky for calling attention to some civilian mischaracterization and misunderstanding of our service members and their families. All too often in magazines, books and popular culture, we are portrayed as desperate rebels or mentally traumatized. The image of a competent, ambitious member of the military and an equally competent and ambitious significant other is one that is often hard to come by. By including this story of ambition, love and the military in their magazine, Glamour is helping not just military significant others but also civilians understand our role within the military as well as the country as a whole. To quote Ms. Chlumsky, “the military is a diverse community of individuals from all types of backgrounds” and I believe it’s time that we start propagating that image as much as possible.

P.S. Anna Chlumsky also includes an unlikely source of inspiration in her article: The Odyssey. Yes, that epic by Homer you read in high school. The faith and perseverance of Odysseus’ wife Penelope inspired her so much that she named her daughter after her. Love that scholarly military spouse advice!

Quote of the Week: September 29

Quotes like this are what get me over the humps of feeling like my career is totally out of my hands. If you want to make a change, do it. Successful people are made. They take matters into their own hands. Things won’t necessarily just fall on your lap. It is in your hands.

Want to Take a Class?

Taking courses online is a good way to further your education from the comfort of your living room sofa. They’re usually free but if you pay, some sites like Coursera will give you a certificate of completion that you can show employers.

Here are some good, and free, online classes starting soon! Click on each one to take you to the course website! Learn about philosophy, energy, starting a business and even architecture!

Introduction to Philosophy-Coursera

What’s Your Big Idea?-Coursera

Foundations of Business Strategy-Coursera

Our Energy Future-Coursera

Introduction to Finance-Coursera

Epidemics-edX

A Global History of Architecture-edX

Introduction to Logic-Coursera

Corporate Finance Essentials-Coursera

Quote of the Week: September 8

Sometimes you just need a little push to go after what it is that you want. The best risks to take are the ones that scare you.

We Rebel by Succeeding

Okay ambitious girls in military relationships, let’s talk about this recent quote from writer Rebecca Solnit:

“One of the things about being a girl is that, often, no one encourages you to be ambitious. Sometimes you’re told you’re going to be a failure, but it’s more fun to rebel against that than rebelling against the idea you’re going to be a    success—which is what a lot of guys get told. I got to rebel by succeeding, and it surprised everyone, including myself.”

I don’t know about you, but I do sometimes feel like I’m rebelling against military spouse culture by being ambitious. We are told to support our soldiers. We are told to manage the home front. We are rarely told to be something great ourselves. Our identity and our accomplishments are usually tied to being the other half of the military. It can almost be perceived as a betrayal when we choose to pursue our own ambitions instead of following those of the military.

Solnit was right when she said, “one of the things about being a girl is that, often, no one encourages you to be ambitious. Sometimes you’re told you’re going to be a failure”. She wasn’t even talking directly to military significant others but she may as well have been. We are told that everything about succeeding will be harder. Finding military spouses who have built their own identities and awesome careers aside from their relationship can still be a bit of a scavenger hunt.

I don’t know why it is still considered rebellious to be ambitious as a military significant other. Telling other spouses that you have a degree from Princeton and are pursuing a Masters and hoping to work in a tough field will usually get you a response along the lines of “oh, well, good for you.” However, I do know that going against the expectations about your role is not just rebellious but also fulfilling. So I am telling you now to be rebellious and go against the mold. You just might succeed along the way.

Quote of the Week: September 2

There are inevitably going to be the people who tell you that you will never achieve what you want. They will say you are aiming too high or maybe you should try something that is easier for a military spouse. Don’t listen to them. Even if you don’t succeed as you hoped, at least you gave it a shot and learned a lesson for next time. Act on your goals and adapt based on the lessons you learn. Don’t let anybody tell you to stop trying.

Quote of the Week: August 25

The hardest part of making any progress is often just starting. It can be difficult to get yourself going. I am a perfectionist and don’t want to do anything until I know I have a perfect plan to accomplish my goal. However, I have learned through experience with the military lifestyle that you can’t be a perfectionist with your career. You have to roll with the punches and just get started, even without a plan in front of you.

Moving Up as a Military Spouse

The Military Times profiled a military spouse last week who has built a successful career despite her husband’s Army career. I recommend reading the whole thing because it is always helpful to hear the perspective of a spouse who has been successful in having a mobile career while, in her words, never having to take a demotion.

I read through the article and noted the takeaways that I think will be the most helpful to young military significant others: 

1. Find a company or organization that exists everywhere. This might be difficult but it does make it easier for you to carry your career with you. This may not be possible for everyone though so at least try to find something as versatile and mobile as possible.

2. Keep an open mind about your possibilities. Don’t just automatically turn down an opportunity because it isn’t exactly what you want. Just get your foot in the door and start somewhere.

3. Volunteer for opportunities, even if it means a few more months away from your significant other. Time with your significant other can be so valuable that it can be hard to accept anything that takes you away from them when they are home and available. However, sometimes you might need to accept an opportunity that will make your career easier in the long term even if it takes you further away in the short term.

4. Have a plan and own your career. Don’t just sit back and think it will all fall into place. Map out where you might realistically be sent next, figure out what companies are in those areas and begin your outreach early.

5. Be proactive and aggressive when it comes to your career. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. Someone has to.