Moving Up as a Military Spouse

The Military Times profiled a military spouse last week who has built a successful career despite her husband’s Army career. I recommend reading the whole thing because it is always helpful to hear the perspective of a spouse who has been successful in having a mobile career while, in her words, never having to take a demotion.

I read through the article and noted the takeaways that I think will be the most helpful to young military significant others: 

1. Find a company or organization that exists everywhere. This might be difficult but it does make it easier for you to carry your career with you. This may not be possible for everyone though so at least try to find something as versatile and mobile as possible.

2. Keep an open mind about your possibilities. Don’t just automatically turn down an opportunity because it isn’t exactly what you want. Just get your foot in the door and start somewhere.

3. Volunteer for opportunities, even if it means a few more months away from your significant other. Time with your significant other can be so valuable that it can be hard to accept anything that takes you away from them when they are home and available. However, sometimes you might need to accept an opportunity that will make your career easier in the long term even if it takes you further away in the short term.

4. Have a plan and own your career. Don’t just sit back and think it will all fall into place. Map out where you might realistically be sent next, figure out what companies are in those areas and begin your outreach early.

5. Be proactive and aggressive when it comes to your career. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. Someone has to.

Finding a Job in a New City

Job hunting is hard, but it is even harder from a distance. One of the things that worries me most about military life is finding a job I love, only to have to move away before I get a chance to actually make my mark there.

I’m also worried about moving before I find a new job. I like to have things lined up for me and uncertainty can be scary.

Most of all, I am worried about jumping around from random job to random job without ever being able to set up a real career path. I am concerned that I will just accept any job I get in a new city because I am scared of having nothing at all.

In order to make the jumps from city to city smoother, I started doing some research about how to approach that problem. I found a helpful article from The Muse and wanted to share some of their tips, because I know I can’t be the only person worried about this issue.

• “Since it’s usually more expensive and uncertain to hire a remote candidate, ask your contacts to introduce you to prospective employers… And don’t stop at prospective employers—ask for introductions to your contacts’ friends and colleagues as well.”

• “There are more logistical challenges when job-hunting remotely, so be prepared to adapt to different interview settings and timelines.”

• “There’s no better way to show you’re serious about moving to a place than by physically being there. Make an effort to spend a week in your new location—or take a few short trips over the course of a couple of months—to schedule interviews, meet contacts, and explore apartments… Once you have your trips planned, reach out to recruiters and hiring managers letting them know that you’re in the area and would love to meet them in person.”

Read the whole article here.

15 Sites Career Minded Military Partners Should Know About

I am always on the hunt for new tools to help me manage my personal and professional life. With so many obligations to juggle on top of a long distance military relationship, every little bit counts. That’s why I really enjoyed this list of the 99 Sites Every Professional Should Know About and Use. The list is a great source of tools for productivity, inspiration, advice, and information.

99 is a lot though so if you don’t have time to go through the whole list (I hope you do though because there are some great sites out there I didn’t know about!), I whittled down the list to the 15 sites that all career-minded military significant others should know about. Click the names of each site to see what they have to offer!

1. Trello: Trello is a great way to stay organized. You can manage different projects, keep track of ideas and keep up with all the due dates. It is a nice tool to make sure you have everything in place where and when you need it.
2. Pocket: Sometimes you are browsing Twitter, WordPress or Facebook and you come across a really interesting article….that you don’t have time to read! Pocket lets you save that article for later and read it whenever you want to. Perfect for the well-informed girl on the go.
3. CreativeLive: This is a great site to learn new creative skills. Whether you are interested in photography, video, design, crafts or business, this site has a class for you.
4. Duolingo: Duolingo helps you learn a new language for free. I love it.
5. Skillcrush: Skillcrush teaches you the skills to be an expert in all things digital. Try the free bootcamp!
6. Skillshare: This is another skill developing website but this one has everything including fashion design.
7. Codecademy: You should probably know how to code, even a little bit. This site breaks down learning to code into manageable pieces. Put even a little bit of knowledge of coding on your resume and watch the offers pile in.
8. Coursera: Online courses for free from Princeton, Yale and more? Sign me up! Actually, I already have. I’ve taken a couple of courses on here.
9. MasterStreet: This is a professional development search engine. It will help you find the best classes and conferences in your area to learn skills and network.
10. Udemy: Another online skill building website. Unfortunately, some of these courses aren’t free. But some, like How to Negotiate Salary or Foundations of Business Strategy, are free!
11. 99U: 99U helps make your ideas happen. They have great articles and advice on turning your greatest dreams and ideas into reality.
12. Huntsy: I could have definitely used this when on the job hunt. Huntsy will manage the different positions you are applying to. You can manage the due dates, see who you know at the companies through LinkedIn and keep track of all your communications with the company. Amazingly helpful.
13. About.me: This is a really easy site that helps you create a basic, personal website that acts sort of like a visual resume.
14. Dailyworth: I just found out about this site but I really like it. It helps ambitious women manage their money, time and careers.
15. Inc: This is a great magazine for anyone interested in entrepreneurship, management or small businesses. They are also military friendly, with a whole section and events focused on the military community.

Click here to read the whole list of 99 Sites Every Professional Should Know About and Use.

Moving for Love

Long distance relationships are something I know far too well. As I develop my career in one city, my boyfriend is off working on his in another. I know that eventually I will move to where he is because I am ready to put an end to the years of long distance and also, well, he doesn’t have much of a choice about where he lives. Moving to be with him will likely and unfortunately be a constant in our lives as he stays with the military and gets send all over the world.

That’s why I was excited to see this essay from New York Magazine about how moving for love is a milestone of the new “modern” relationship. The article is, of course, about civilian relationships. As comforting as it is to read about other people suffering from the same conundrums of love vs. career that I am, it is even oddly more comforting to read that it happens in civilian relationships as well. Sometimes it is nice to know that all your tough decisions aren’t all the military’s fault. Sometimes it is just the way life goes.

Here are some excerpts from the essay, though I recommend reading the whole thing:

Of all the high-stakes life decisions of the pre-child-rearing years, it’s the one that crops up most frequently with the least historical precedent. And now that many women are breadwinners and many of us spend our 20s focused on building a career rather than a family, assumptions about whose professional concerns should take priority have dramatically shifted. A recent survey by Mayflower, the moving company, found that 72 percent of men in their 20s would move for a female partner, whereas only 59 percent of their parents’ generation and 37 percent of their grandparents’ would consider it. There’s still some stigma to being the one who follows, though: The survey didn’t say what percentage of women would consider moving for their male partner. But even women’s magazines, in their trademark cautionary-tale tone, tend to make moving for a relationship sound pathetic (“I Was the One That Had to Move”) or conflicted (“I’m Supposed to Be Moving for My Guy, But I’m Having Second Thoughts”), or at the very least passé.

Perhaps it’s time we let go of that stigma. As more relationships demand balancing two careers and their road maps, we ought to recognize that neither side of this decision is an easy one. Asking someone to move for you means making yourself vulnerable to their rejection; choosing to re-establish your life someplace new takes confidence and skill.

Click here to read the whole thing.

Jennifer Pilcher is an Ambitious Military Girlfriend Role Model

Are you a military significant other who is interested in entrepreneurship but afraid that you won’t be able to be successful with the demands of the military? Look no further than the success of Jennifer Pilcher to prove that it is possible. Her goal is to connect our military families and our civilian families to resources and opportunities that can make a difference.

Jennifer started out as a Speech-Language Pathologist. However, as an active duty Navy spouse for over 13 years, she put that career on hold to raise her two children. Frustrated with military resources and opportunities spread all over the Internet, she decided to create a one-stop shop for all things military.

She started her company, MilitaryOneClick, in 2012. MilitaryOneClick is “the premier virtual resource for military families” and provides user-friendly access to thousands of resources including career tools, educational scholarships, PTSD help, financial assistance and more. It also provides information on military discounts, vacation information, and military focused charities.

Jennifer Pilcher

She also strives to hire members of the military community for her company, and counts at least 7 military spouses as her employees. All of the job opportunities at MilitaryOneClick are virtual and flexible, with employees working all over the country.

Jennifer is not just an example of a successful entrepreneur, but also an example of a military spouse who took her career into her own hands and created her own professional success. She created a flexible work at home job for herself also maintaining her own personal professional success.

Just how successful has Jennifer been with MilitaryOneClick? She is a partner with the Military Spouse Employment Partnership and Joining Forces and introduced the First Lady at a White House Joining Forces event honoring military mothers and spouses.

Jennifer Pilcher, standing beside Dr. Jill Biden, and introducing Michelle Obama at a Joining Forces event

Next time you are doubting your ability to start a successful, work from home business amongst military pressures, look to Jennifer Pilcher to know that it can be done.

P.S. She is also a co-founder of #KeepYourPromise!

 

Quote of the Week: March 31

Sometimes as a military partner, you will have to take a job that you never really saw yourself doing or that you don’t think aligns perfectly with your future goals. However, make a point to pursue your longterm goals, no matter what. This could come in the form of volunteering your time or skills on the weekends, starting a blog on a topic you are passionate about or setting up an online shop to sell your handmade goods. Whatever it is that you want to do, make time for it so that you are always moving forward, even if it feels like the military is always holding you back.

Quote of the Week: March 24

This week’s quote is inspired by the tendency to turn down an opportunity because it is complicated or scary. It is important to not turn away a good career opportunity just because you don’t know how it would work with the military or because you are afraid of the responsibilities. It is better to try to figure out how to make that opportunity work now than to spend the rest of your life wondering “what if”.

Military Relationships and Popular Culture

I love TV. I love movies. I love popular culture. I think it has a real impact on society, culture and even politics. That’s why I felt compelled to write this post. I recently started watching Parenthood. I love the show and I went through the entire series in just a few weeks. If you haven’t seen it, the show centers on a family dealing with problems including Asperger’s, divorce and cancer. The show’s proclivity towards representation of real world problems is part of what draws me to keep watching. I was therefore delighted when some the later episodes I watched had one of the main characters, Amber, in a relationship with a young soldier named Ryan. (Even if you don’t know the show, keep reading. I have a point beyond this particular show.)

When we first meet Ryan, he is a young war veteran struggling to find a job and land on his feet in the civilian world. (Of course, this is such an important issue to highlight and I commend the show for projecting the difficult transition to civilian life.) However, when Ryan and Amber start dating, we see his other side.  They portray Ryan as volatile, rebellious and violent. He hits, he yells, he disappears.

Unable to land a job and struggling with his relationship with Amber, he re-enlists in the Army and they break off their engagement. That right there is what I have a problem with. As soon as he enters the military again, Amber can no longer be with him anymore. She is a strong-willed girl and has her own ideas of what she wants out of life. Yet, the show implicitly shows that she cannot have both her life and the military life. She can only be happy with civilian Ryan or be devastated with military Ryan. The military is shown to be naturally irrevocable with her young hopes and dreams of family and work. Why can’t we show that strong women are capable of being military partners?

Amber and Ryan on NBC’s Parenthood

I know that some TV shows and movies out there probably show solid, health military relationships (send them to me if you have any examples). However, I have never really seen them and I can’t be alone. Where are the representations of strong, ambitious women being lawyers, mothers and military partners? I wish that we could show young military girlfriends or spouses that it is possible to reconcile your professional and strong-willed self with the military lifestyle. Unfortunately, Parenthood showed the American public that the two are inherently opposites. These negative representations have impacts on two distinct populations: young military partners and the American population unaffiliated with the military.

First, watching the disintegration of Amber and Ryan’s relationship as he re-enlists has potential harmful effects on younger women who are in relationships with someone in the military. As a young professional in such a situation, it is disheartening to see no images on any screen of a woman like me able to have personal success with a partner in the military. Seeing images like those in Parenthood serve only to reinforce how we think about our own identities. Who are we? Are we destined to fail at this struggle?

In addition to these images in popular culture affecting how we see ourselves, they also affect how the general population sees us and our lifestyles. In this situation, they would see Amber having to choose between being strong with a civilian or being weak with a soldier. They also see a veteran as someone who cannot be trusted. Since the dawn of the volunteer force, the military-civilian gap has grown wider. Most people today are neither connected to the military, nor close with anybody who has served. Indeed, when only 0.5% of the American population serves in the military, we have to be careful what images of military life are projected into the homes of the other 99.5%.

We military partners need to see ourselves as the capable women that we are. Beyond that, we need others to see us that way in order to help us achieve professional success within the confines of the military lifestyle. In order to do so, I hope that we will eventually be able to stop seeing weak portrayals of military partners and soldiers and eventually move towards having at least one popular culture role model to look to as an example. You don’t have to give up everything to be with someone in the military. I just wish popular culture would show that.

Quote of the Week: March 3

Overthinking is something that I fall victim to a lot. I worry so much about doing something that the over analyzing part becomes worse than actually just going for it. As a military significant other, you sometimes will not have the peace of mind that your choice will work out. You won’t know if you will suddenly have to move or if he will be deployed somewhere. That is why sometimes it is best to just go for something and stop being afraid.

On Breaking the Mold

Do career-minded military significant others have anything in common with figure skaters? After reading this Atlantic piece on US Olympic figure skater Ashley Wagner, I am beginning to think that we just might.

Figure skaters are expected to be proper. In her article, “Thank You, Ashley Wagner: Skating Needs More Outspoken Women”, author Amanda Palleschi praises Ashley’s visible anger when her skating scores were lower than she expected. (More here if you are unfamiliar with what happened). Palleschi writes, “Olympic observers may call her a poor sport; I say she’s an athlete daring to be a human in a sport that asks its female athletes to be camel-spinning Stepford wives.”

Palleschi welcomes the chance to see a young woman break out of the “Stepford”, lady-like and princess-y mold that figure skating sets up for its female competitors. And I do too.

Ashley Wagner

While we ambitious military significant others may not be twirling on the world stage for medals, we are trying to break out of a mold. This mold is one that has been broken in the “civilian” world but still remains prevalent in the military world.  It is a mold that asks us to be a wife first, and a career woman second. It is a mold that asks us to hold inside our frustrations rather than voice them. Most of all, it is a mold that asks us to be followers, not leaders.

I profile successful military wives to show that it is possible to, in Palleschi’s words, “be a human” in a lifestyle that asks its wives “to be camel-spinning Stepford wives”. No, I’m not saying that military spouses who choose not to have a career are Stepford wives. Rather, I’m saying that women who do choose to have a career with the military lifestyle show us that there is another option. We do not have to all be the same way. I welcome that diversity.

Until I started this blog and started reading more about military spouse careers, I had always felt ostracized for trying to have a career and a military relationship. No other military significant others I encountered understood why I was choosing to live in a different city from my significant other because I wanted to establish my career first.

Now that I know there are so many successful and thriving military spouse careers out there, despite the ups and downs they may have had along the way, I know that it is possible and I am not the only one. I love when I hear or read about military spouses toughing out the rough spots to pave the way to a successful career while marrying into the military.

We don’t all have to be the stay at home, follow you around, military wife that seems to be expected of us. We can break the lady-like mold that has been established for us, just like Ashley Wagner inadvertently exposed the mold that had been established for her.

Palleschi closes her article by noting, “Keep being honest, Ashley Wagner. Because people also don’t want to watch a sport whose athletes don’t reflect the humanity of the very real women who practice it every day.” To this point I say that I hope ambitious military significant others will speak up about their struggles and successes. I hope they keep helping each other along the way and teaching each other how to use the military lifestyle to achieve their professional goals.

Because in a world where every girl is being told to “lean in”, I don’t want any girl to feel that she has to choose between being a military wife and being her professional self.