I love TV. I love movies. I love popular culture. I think it has a real impact on society, culture and even politics. That’s why I felt compelled to write this post. I recently started watching Parenthood. I love the show and I went through the entire series in just a few weeks. If you haven’t seen it, the show centers on a family dealing with problems including Asperger’s, divorce and cancer. The show’s proclivity towards representation of real world problems is part of what draws me to keep watching. I was therefore delighted when some the later episodes I watched had one of the main characters, Amber, in a relationship with a young soldier named Ryan. (Even if you don’t know the show, keep reading. I have a point beyond this particular show.)
When we first meet Ryan, he is a young war veteran struggling to find a job and land on his feet in the civilian world. (Of course, this is such an important issue to highlight and I commend the show for projecting the difficult transition to civilian life.) However, when Ryan and Amber start dating, we see his other side. They portray Ryan as volatile, rebellious and violent. He hits, he yells, he disappears.
Unable to land a job and struggling with his relationship with Amber, he re-enlists in the Army and they break off their engagement. That right there is what I have a problem with. As soon as he enters the military again, Amber can no longer be with him anymore. She is a strong-willed girl and has her own ideas of what she wants out of life. Yet, the show implicitly shows that she cannot have both her life and the military life. She can only be happy with civilian Ryan or be devastated with military Ryan. The military is shown to be naturally irrevocable with her young hopes and dreams of family and work. Why can’t we show that strong women are capable of being military partners?
Amber and Ryan on NBC’s Parenthood
I know that some TV shows and movies out there probably show solid, health military relationships (send them to me if you have any examples). However, I have never really seen them and I can’t be alone. Where are the representations of strong, ambitious women being lawyers, mothers and military partners? I wish that we could show young military girlfriends or spouses that it is possible to reconcile your professional and strong-willed self with the military lifestyle. Unfortunately, Parenthood showed the American public that the two are inherently opposites. These negative representations have impacts on two distinct populations: young military partners and the American population unaffiliated with the military.
First, watching the disintegration of Amber and Ryan’s relationship as he re-enlists has potential harmful effects on younger women who are in relationships with someone in the military. As a young professional in such a situation, it is disheartening to see no images on any screen of a woman like me able to have personal success with a partner in the military. Seeing images like those in Parenthood serve only to reinforce how we think about our own identities. Who are we? Are we destined to fail at this struggle?
In addition to these images in popular culture affecting how we see ourselves, they also affect how the general population sees us and our lifestyles. In this situation, they would see Amber having to choose between being strong with a civilian or being weak with a soldier. They also see a veteran as someone who cannot be trusted. Since the dawn of the volunteer force, the military-civilian gap has grown wider. Most people today are neither connected to the military, nor close with anybody who has served. Indeed, when only 0.5% of the American population serves in the military, we have to be careful what images of military life are projected into the homes of the other 99.5%.
We military partners need to see ourselves as the capable women that we are. Beyond that, we need others to see us that way in order to help us achieve professional success within the confines of the military lifestyle. In order to do so, I hope that we will eventually be able to stop seeing weak portrayals of military partners and soldiers and eventually move towards having at least one popular culture role model to look to as an example. You don’t have to give up everything to be with someone in the military. I just wish popular culture would show that.
The Ambition Mission 