Moving Up as a Military Spouse

The Military Times profiled a military spouse last week who has built a successful career despite her husband’s Army career. I recommend reading the whole thing because it is always helpful to hear the perspective of a spouse who has been successful in having a mobile career while, in her words, never having to take a demotion.

I read through the article and noted the takeaways that I think will be the most helpful to young military significant others: 

1. Find a company or organization that exists everywhere. This might be difficult but it does make it easier for you to carry your career with you. This may not be possible for everyone though so at least try to find something as versatile and mobile as possible.

2. Keep an open mind about your possibilities. Don’t just automatically turn down an opportunity because it isn’t exactly what you want. Just get your foot in the door and start somewhere.

3. Volunteer for opportunities, even if it means a few more months away from your significant other. Time with your significant other can be so valuable that it can be hard to accept anything that takes you away from them when they are home and available. However, sometimes you might need to accept an opportunity that will make your career easier in the long term even if it takes you further away in the short term.

4. Have a plan and own your career. Don’t just sit back and think it will all fall into place. Map out where you might realistically be sent next, figure out what companies are in those areas and begin your outreach early.

5. Be proactive and aggressive when it comes to your career. Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself. Someone has to.

Quote of the Week: May 5

My elementary school teacher used to say this all the time. To me it means that you should make the best of every situation. No matter where the military sends, you should know that you can grow anywhere. You are the only thing that is driving your success. Allow yourself to flourish, no matter where you end up.

Don’t Assume You Have To Sacrifice Yourself For His Military Career

An article was posted to Thought Catalog recently entitled “Everyone Wants To Thank Our Troops, But I Sacrificed Myself For His Military Career”. First of all, I hate the title. Military spouse employment really has nothing to do with whether or not we support our troops. Okay, now that is out of the way, let’s talk about what the article is about. Here is an excerpt:

“Staying with him means giving up everything that is me.

There would be no Paris, because I would be moving around with him.

There would be no career in Washington because I would be moving from base to base with him.

There would be no dream job other than the ones on base, because I’d be just another significant other of a U.S. Army soldier.

I love him. I love him so much. But I love myself more.”

As overly pessimistic as this is, it is sad. It is sad that this girl thinks she has to completely give up herself in order to date who she loves. It is sad that that she doesn’t realize she has a choice in what she pursues. It is sad that young women entering their careers and dating men in the military have no support to handle the upcoming challenges.

When young girls just graduating college or starting out their careers look ahead to their lives with the military, they all too often just give up and assume it will be futile for them to even try to pursue a career. So they settle for a job they know will be on base or settle for bouncing from job to job or settle for having no job at all. They give up before it even starts.

In the words of Sheryl Sandberg, they leave before they leave. They settle in the short term in order to accommodate possible challenges in the long term.

Choosing to pursue your own goals within the confines of the military can definitely be challenging but it is not at all impossible. However, articles like this one remind me how many young professionals don’t realize that and choose to give up before they even try.

 

Quote of the Week: Feb 18

Unfortunately, military significant others know that maintaining a career with the military is often a struggle. You have to that much harder just to be able to accomplish goals that you could have done much faster with a civilian SO. What is important to remember, though, is that by putting in more, you get out more. Do not give up just because it is more difficult.

Working harder for your success only makes it feel that much better.
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Quote of the Week: Feb 3

Sometimes things take longer when you have to balance a career and a military relationship. You might move around so much that it takes you a long time to make Partner as an attorney, or get tenure as a professor or finally find the time to study for the GMAT and get into business school. That is okay. Just because it will take longer for you than for “civilians” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

Don’t let the fear of a longer timeline keep you from reaching your goals.

Networking: Reconnecting With Old Contacts

Networking. It is crucial for any career, but especially for military careers where you have to move a lot and need a network to help establish yourself in a new city.

You made a contact and haven’t really spoken to them in a while. Now they could help you with something. I think this is one of the most difficult parts of networking. How do you approach reconnecting with them?

Here are some tips from The Daily Muse (with customization for military SO’s) on how NOT to do it.

Mistake #1: Using the Wrong Medium

Instead: Use What You Would for Any Other Professional Communication

Don’t Facebook them. Don’t tweet at them. Don’t comment on their Tumblr. E-mail is probably best. If you want help with your profession, show them that you are professional.

Mistake #2: Being Overly Friendly

Instead: Be Pleasant, Then Get to the Point

Oops. I have done this. I tried to  be friendly but I think  I may have overdone it.  No need to try to over flatter them to get back in their good graces. Get to the point,.Why are you emailing them? What can they do for you?  I know it is scary when you have to move and you are scared about landing another job but just remember you don’t want to come across as fake. ..or worse, desperate.

Mistake #3: Assuming Someone Will Be Interested

Instead: Make Sure Your Pitch is Professional and Compelling

Nobody is going to just automatically know how awesome you are and why they should hire you. As I wrote last week, don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. Why should they listen to you? Why should your email matter to them?

Are We “Freaks” for Pursuing a Career and Education While in a Military Relationship?

Militaryspouse.com has an article up right now about Elizabeth Pearsall, an Air Force wife who they dubbed “Doctor Milspouse”. Pearsall earned her PhD in medicinal biochemistry while married to a military man. Vivian Greentree also earned her PhD while in a military relationship and is now the research and policy director for Blue Star Families (Role Model Kathy Roth-Douquet is the CEO of Blue Star Families).

This line from the article interested me: “According to the Military Family Life Project, 10 percent of military spouses report having a master’s degree, MBA or similar professional degree. It’s almost equal to what the Census Bureau reports for all Americans—proving that military spouses, who often face geographic interruptions and deployments, still manage to earn higher education degrees at about the same pace as civilians.” I am glad to know that military spouses are not deterred from pursuing a graduate education because of their husband’s work. Finding a passion and pursuing it through graduate school can be a great way to establish your own interests separate from just being a military wife/girlfriend.

Like most things on the Internet though, the comments on the article worry me. One commentor wrote:

“Good article.  Makes me feel more included to know I am not alone in having multiple degrees and working outside the home and following my dreams.  I am a proud professional army wife, and its hard to find people who not only are like me but also understand the time it took me to build my career and that it isn’t all about the soldier and the army, that I can do something important too.” (Sidenote: I am hoping that this site will be a way for other women to realize they are not alone in following their dreams and building their own career!)

Here are the scariest comments though: The first wrote,  “I have my JD and work full time as an attorney.  I completed my schooling before my husband and I got married.  Professional, working spouses are few and far between here and I am often ostracized because I went to school and work.  However, my husband is enlisted, so it may be more prevalent in the officer world.” An officer’s wife replied:  “Oh it’s alive and well in the officer world.  I’m a ‘freak’ because I have a masters (2 actually), work outside the home and can’t volunteer all the time for things.  So I get snubbed a lot of the time.  Kind of sad and kind of why I have friends from all over the place as I stick with those who accept me for who I am.”

Ah! Educated spouses shouldn’t be “ostracized”, “snubbed”, or treated as a “freak” for having gone to law school or graduate school. I’m hoping that nobody else has experienced these reactions. However, I definitely have experienced some rude comments on Facebook groups for women in military relationships because of my college choice and my career pursuit. Let’s build a community of women who are proud of their accomplishments and show other women in military relationships that we are not “freaks” for having our own goals outside of the military.