Do career-minded military significant others have anything in common with figure skaters? After reading this Atlantic piece on US Olympic figure skater Ashley Wagner, I am beginning to think that we just might.
Figure skaters are expected to be proper. In her article, “Thank You, Ashley Wagner: Skating Needs More Outspoken Women”, author Amanda Palleschi praises Ashley’s visible anger when her skating scores were lower than she expected. (More here if you are unfamiliar with what happened). Palleschi writes, “Olympic observers may call her a poor sport; I say she’s an athlete daring to be a human in a sport that asks its female athletes to be camel-spinning Stepford wives.”
Palleschi welcomes the chance to see a young woman break out of the “Stepford”, lady-like and princess-y mold that figure skating sets up for its female competitors. And I do too.
Ashley Wagner
While we ambitious military significant others may not be twirling on the world stage for medals, we are trying to break out of a mold. This mold is one that has been broken in the “civilian” world but still remains prevalent in the military world. It is a mold that asks us to be a wife first, and a career woman second. It is a mold that asks us to hold inside our frustrations rather than voice them. Most of all, it is a mold that asks us to be followers, not leaders.
I profile successful military wives to show that it is possible to, in Palleschi’s words, “be a human” in a lifestyle that asks its wives “to be camel-spinning Stepford wives”. No, I’m not saying that military spouses who choose not to have a career are Stepford wives. Rather, I’m saying that women who do choose to have a career with the military lifestyle show us that there is another option. We do not have to all be the same way. I welcome that diversity.
Until I started this blog and started reading more about military spouse careers, I had always felt ostracized for trying to have a career and a military relationship. No other military significant others I encountered understood why I was choosing to live in a different city from my significant other because I wanted to establish my career first.
Now that I know there are so many successful and thriving military spouse careers out there, despite the ups and downs they may have had along the way, I know that it is possible and I am not the only one. I love when I hear or read about military spouses toughing out the rough spots to pave the way to a successful career while marrying into the military.
We don’t all have to be the stay at home, follow you around, military wife that seems to be expected of us. We can break the lady-like mold that has been established for us, just like Ashley Wagner inadvertently exposed the mold that had been established for her.
Palleschi closes her article by noting, “Keep being honest, Ashley Wagner. Because people also don’t want to watch a sport whose athletes don’t reflect the humanity of the very real women who practice it every day.” To this point I say that I hope ambitious military significant others will speak up about their struggles and successes. I hope they keep helping each other along the way and teaching each other how to use the military lifestyle to achieve their professional goals.
Because in a world where every girl is being told to “lean in”, I don’t want any girl to feel that she has to choose between being a military wife and being her professional self.
The Ambition Mission 